There’s a reason I’ve never had a love life (and his name is Murphy)

(no judgment. Please.)

Artiste

You met him in class. You—young, fresh-faced, naïve (dense). He—effeminate, poetic, apparently interested in the same gender. Coming from a nearly convent-like existence, and with a nearly bone-deep wariness of testosterone, you deemed him safe.

Little did you know that your cousin and several other acquaintances fell for the same trick.

It did not go down well when you saw the pictures on his website.

Jock

Your fellow virgins (never-been-touched, never-been-kissed, never0been-out-on-a-date) have certain “types.” One, a friend with Amazon-like proportions, always falls for beautiful boys shorter than her (and the average man). Another likes a touch of “ruggedness”—for her, a leather jacket will suffice. One sister want manly footballers, another erudite pretty men with snobbish, Mr. Darcy airs.

You never thought you’d fall for an athlete. But the very first thing you noticed, about the very first boy you nearly gave your heart to, was not his wit or his poems to another girl (that came later).

His arms were iron.


Gravelly

When you first heard his deep voice in a school meeting, you thought, “Hurrah. Handsome. Intelligent, because he’s in this university. Straight, despite being in this college. Dear girl, there may be hope for you yet.”

Alas, when you shyly confessed your infatuation to your persistent friend, as the object of your affections strides past…

“___? He’s GAY!”

Your track record remains unchanged.


Boss man

In an online conversation, you and your fellow flighty friend (though she doesn’t quite look it) giggle over a man—more out of something to do, though, than any real attraction. You dissect his habits, speculate about his love-life, and cringe (or laugh heartlessly, depending on the girl) about recent events. In one sheer stroke of stupidity, you post it on your online journal.

And forget that he’s as tech-savvy as the two of you.


Asthma

It is the best and worst moment, sexually speaking, of your young life.

In moments like these, and the ones that follow, you wonder if the fates purposely mess with you for their sick amusement.

The bare expanse of flesh. The mutual friend (and his subsequent message). What the mutual friend saw the summer ago.

When you retell the story, a year after, to someone who turns out to be his second cousin, you conclude.

Murphy is a bloody rat bastard.

A Trip to Tagaytay

(All pictures are my sister's. Because.)

Rooster

There was a chicken crossing the road.

It doesn’t exactly belong to anyone. Your sister, on an earlier visit, chased it around and took pictures of its brood of chicks strutting on pavement.

While your friends made the same jokes, you thought back on the story you once wrote, and snicker a little.

Birds and revolution don’t exactly mesh, do they?

Fog

It is two hours past midnight when you point it out to your best friend, and both of you stand up and look outside.

There’s no one around, not for miles, and the sole streetlamp paints the one neighboring, empty house in a yellow haze.

The smoke makes you both stare for a few seconds. And then your best friend turns away, and leaves you contemplating the chiaroscuro.

In your fertile, overactive imagination, you imagine a stranger emerging from the gloom.


Makahiya

Whenever you see these plants—so named for their shyness—you are compelled to crush them. To see them slowly close up beneath your rubber shoes.

This may or may not be indicative of your inherent violent tendencies.


Ants

Because of the chilled bottles of vodka and mudshake, half-finished packs of chips and biscuits, the uninvited guests come crawling to the living room. Groggily, you pick up the bits and dispose of the visible crumbs, and waddle—inebriated, half-full of alcohol and junk—to your place in the sofa.

You and your friends then proceed to yodel on the microphone.

Ants, you think, are lucky that they can’t hear you.


Flowers

Your mom’s a frustrated interior designer, you tell your friends as you enter the house. They take in the immaculate walls, the artfully placed furniture, wooden curlicues and curios, and agree.

Then they see the photos, and ooh and aah over snaps of vibrant flora.

Oh, we took that, you tell them. Me and my film sister.

You’re quick to add they’re mostly from your film sister. Because honestly, you suck as a photographer.

Identity Crisis

I do not know who I am.

Jump!

I want to fall in love.